LISTENING TO THE SILENCES

The simple and the practical - that sums up both my original and continuing approaches. As I have written several times before, I am embarrassed by the showy, the exaggerated, and I did not want to inflict anything of that nature upon the people whom I was trying to help. Thus, there were no elaborate manual 'passes', no 'aura stroking', no adjuncts such as crystals or essences, no overt 'religious' or mystical ceremony. Just the simplicity of my hands and intellect - and who? Without going into detail, I had committed myself completely to my own intent when trying to help someone, and had committed myself unequivocally to the spiritual association in which I totally believed. Having made that commitment privately there was no need to produce it on show; I simply carried it with me into every healing encounter, in the absolute and certain belief that, as and when needed, help would be forthcoming from an ethereal source. So far, I have never been disappointed.

In mentioning or discussing such interventions I am always conscious of the danger of presenting myself as one of the 'chosen', or of appearing to be a sanctimonious prig: neither, I hope, is the case. In mentioning or describing any overt spiritual or ethereal participation, I do so simply to affirm that such does happen. I also do so to balance what may appear to be the solely terrestrial and pragmatic approach that was developing as my response to the individual ailments that were being presented to me. The fact that, as I continue writing, I shall give much more space to this latter approach, reflects the nature of the process of exploration with which I found myself involved. In addition, I find it necessary to readdress the issue of continuing adverse spiritual intervention and intrusion. Like you, I would have supposed that with such powerful and benevolent spiritual allies, all aggressive opposition would be swept away. Not so. In real life, no matter how powerful the civil law enforcement and protection agencies, there are thieves, muggers, delinquents of all kinds, and violent and 'road-raging' individuals. Equally, within a life of developing spiritual openness, and throughout one's attempts to put the results of one's spiritual awareness into practice, increasingly one meets the equivalent from the adverse spiritual world. Direct mental aggression, traps and trip-wires are all there for the unwary, as are the 'con-artist' and deviant.

As events moved on, I began to recognise more and more of the ways in which one can be taken over, demoralised, undermined and tricked, and sometimes dominated. Different 'ploys' began to emerge, as did an awareness of the times, circumstances or occasions when certain attacks were made and were effective. Increasingly, I began to observe and recognise these for what they were, and to record the various ones as they happened. Some will emerge as I write, but in the main, I will describe and analyse the modes of attack all together in a later section.

Somewhat fancifully, and without being specific, I imagined the great and the good being carried on their palliases to my home to be made whole. Such imaginings, which I do not think that I took very seriously, were soon dispersed as I found my 'great and good' amongst the farmer, the coal man and the housewife. Again, a catalogue of people and their ailments would be inappropriate and frankly boring. There are, however, a few encounters within which pointers can be seen, indicating the way in which my thought and practice were developing, and that are worth describing. In some, I perceived strong evidence of 'ethereal' involvement; and there were others within which I was permitted to see the inner resource and heroism of individuals, as they confronted a potentially fatal illness.

I happily adopted the word 'ethereal' from Patricia Macmanaway. I had discussed with her the situation that was created by the fact that I did not dowse nor manipulate people's bodies in the ways that were practiced at Westbank. She told me of others who did neither, yet were able to achieve results, as their clients could be manipulated 'ethereally'. I saw no problem with this approach since my body had been physically 'restructured' by such means during the earlier events of my spiritual encounters, and in this manner I proceeded, initially simply placing my hands where seemed appropriate. I did not dispute or question the fact that I believed what I had had demonstrated to me, namely that there was immense resource available, and that I was participating in a 'combined operation'. I did not find it necessary to keep voicing a disclaimer to the effect that "I am but a channel", but proceeded as simply as I could, and explained to people as well as I could what it was I was trying to do.

On some occasions, I felt that my rôle was to act as an 'anaesthetist' while others went about the real work. For example, I was once asked to help a woman who had mental trauma following a difficult breech birth and episiotomy. Beginning with my hands covering her upper back and shoulder, which itself is very tranquillising, I ended with a hand each on her lower back and abdomen. It was then that I became 'aware' (again the difficulty of describing awareness in these circumstances) of two 'individuals' close by, and of her 'ethereal' legs being placed in the birth posture, while that which was required was done. On many other occasions, I recognised my personal inadequacy in the face of very serious illness, and appealed directly to 'higher authority'. I did so for Esther. She had an inoperable brain tumour at the base of her skull, and had had much exploratory surgical intervention. Now she was about to have radiation therapy along her spine. One evening as she lay reclining, I placed my hands adjacent to her head and asked fervently for help for her. Soon we were enveloped within a cocoon of love so strong that I felt that I could reach out and touch it. All Esther's treatments and therapies produced favourable results and she lived actively for another year, when unfortunately she succumbed to meningitis. She was one of many individuals from whom I learned of the determination and inner resources that can reside within a person when faced with the fatal potential of their condition. But this was only a part of the learning process through which I was going at the time, because within Esther's flat I came to realise the insidiousness of geopathic stress, for where she slept was awful. This was also the situation that I found when I visited John's house, for where he had slept, I could not. But I jump ahead of myself, for I have not yet arrived at the time when I became a supporter of the so-called 'gentle approach' to cancer, and I have so much to observe and to learn about many things.

Returning to events in their sequential order, I must describe the outcome of another broadcast from the B.B.C. Radio 4, 'You and Yours' programme. This particular one was about SAD - the so-called 'seasonal affect disorder' - and described experiments that were in train at the Maudsley Hospital, which were trying to confirm the hoped-for beneficial effect upon sufferers of exposure to high intensity light during the winter months. As with the previous M.E. broadcast that I had heard, I thought that I recognised in myself a broad swathe of the symptoms and reactions that were described. I can almost hear you thinking, "We've got a right one here, a paranoid hypochondriac, no less". My attendance at my local surgery should give the lie to that, for apart from annual flu injections and a visit to become acquainted with a G.P. on whose list I chose to go, in well over five years I have only consulted about a minor fungal infection and nothing more. No, there are specific reasons for my apparent over-sensitivity that began to emerge, and which have prompted me to engage in a study that has been continuous since about 1981.

Certain aspects of my home and its location have emerged as my narrative has developed, but nothing has been written directly about its tranquillity and freedom from pollution. There is no source of industrial pollution within twenty-five miles; traffic along my adjacent (very) minor roads is so minimal that each passing vehicle is almost an event to be remarked. Apart from occasional gunfire from a nearby M.O.D. gun-range, noise, other than from tractors working nearby fields and the bleating of sheep, is non-existent. The only electrical pollution comes from the two low voltage wires bringing the supply to the house, while the effects of microwave transmissions are diminished by mountains to the south and east, and the sea two miles to the west. Added to all of this, I have my own private water supply, originally from streams running off the nearby fell-side and, since 1996, from a 50 metre bore hole in one of my fields, so the only additions to the water are solely what nature puts in - no chlorine, no fluoride. Thus, compared with most urban living, industrial working individuals, I can and do live with several layers of protective 'shell' removed, and that is why my urban visits are curtailed, and my last visit to London was in about 1989. It also means that I, as with many individuals in similar locations, have developed an awareness of extremely subtle variations in my ambient environment and of my responses to them. Thus, I have a very suitable 'laboratory' in which to observe myself and what are, it transpired, very sensitive reactions to subtle, and mainly electrical, phenomena. I am not alone in this sensitivity, for about forty percent of individuals are similarly sensitive, but their reactions are often masked by the gross effects of the polluted environment in which many have to live.

None of these many facets were visible to me when, following the programme broadcast, I wrote asking whether it was possible to obtain for domestic use the type of light that the experimenters described. The response when it came was a surprise, for it materialised as a phone call from a doctor actually at the Maudsley Hospital. He was one of the research team and quizzed me for some considerable time. He judged that I was of the type that was being studied, and invited me to the hospital for a fuller discussion and examination. We spent the greater part of a morning together, taking my history and analysing my reactions in particular circumstances. Although I could have stayed nearby with my brother while participating in tests through a winter, I new that my reactions would be distorted by the urban environment, and even though the researcher concluded from his observations that indeed I could be considered as suffering from SAD, we opted, in the circumstances, for a different strategy. We agreed that I would study my reactions through the coming winter, keep a diary and ultimately report.

Thus began my close observation, and the study expanded as I started to identify reactions, but also, and increasingly, began to identify causes. However, before I launch into a description of what and how I studied, let me make what I consider to be a significant observation. I had responded thoroughly and honestly to all the questions from the M.E. team, who had concluded that in all probability I had M.E., and now a researcher from the Maudsley Hospital, to whom, again, I had responded completely and truthfully, had concluded that I was one of those who succumbed to SAD. In both cases, what had prompted me to contact the radio programme had been a set of virtually identical symptoms or reactions.

Slowly, as I began to observe and record, but definitely, I became aware, as I never had before, of the natural world, the world in which we evolved and continue to have our being, and became aware, also, of some of our reactions to its variables. As time went by, I realised that SAD-type reactions could occur at any time of the year, but, as they might not coincide with the dark, drear days of winter, and because they were transient, they passed almost unnoticed, having possibly affected me for a day or two. My acquisition of the book, The Ion Effect by Soyka and Edmunds, provided me with an understanding of the electrical nature of our surrounding world and atmosphere, and gave me insights into some of the causes of my reactions. And so began an observation of weather systems - not 'hot or cold', 'wet or dry', 'windy or still' - but an attempt by me, through seeing the entire system, to be able to judge from where the current ambient air had come, and thus to form some conclusion about its electrical qualities.

One by one, other variables came to light, and were included amongst the subjects for study. One such became apparent from the unlikely event of having a new pair of glasses. I had chosen the then comparatively new variable-focus lenses. Because they need to be positioned precisely, and because I was very active out of doors, I had decided upon close fitting frames with curled, springy loops over the ears. It took a little while to get used to the accurate positioning of the head that viewing required, (Little Noddy is the appropriate name as the head is moved slightly up or down to achieve focus), but when I had done so, I enjoyed the freedom that the lenses gave me. However, from time to time I found myself getting irritated with my new acquisition, for the frames became tight on my head, and they needed frequent adjustment to restore them to the proper viewing position. The irritation lasted for three or four days at a time, and then things returned to normal. It took approximately six months for the penny to drop. The periods of irritation coincided with the new and full moons.